I am a morning person. My husband is not. So I typically get up a few hours earlier than he does each day. I spend some time praying or doing a short Bible study and then I will take a shower and get ready for the day.
During the school year my other kids are up early as well. They have some specific “jobs” to do each morning, like showering, eating breakfast, brushing teeth etc…we have developed a pretty good routine.
But as is in any family, life isn’t always perfect.
The kids are tired, or we are out of frozen waffles and someone didn’t get one, the dog is barking or they can’t find their shoes. Right before we all head out the door things can get a little frenzied and tense.
It doesn’t take much to make me snap.
I shared a little a few months ago about my struggle with anger. How it wells up inside of me and then if I am not on guard, it spews out on those closest to me. I don’t want to be the kind of mama that my kids are afraid of. I want to be a safe harbor, not a raging sea.
Things have gotten better. I have asked a few friends if I can be accountable to them. One dear friend has asked several times how I am doing specifically with anger. And it hasn’t been terrible. Sure I get mad at times, but my reactions haven’t been as severe.
But these changes do not come easily. I have to be ready.
Ready for what you might ask? For battle.
I believe that there is an enemy that seeks to destroy my family. One that thrives in the struggle, that encourages explosions of emotion and unforgiveness.
And a few months ago I declared myself ready for the battle.
I am doing some things like walking away when I feel my anger building, trying to speak in a calmer tone, and being quick to apologize when I have blown it.
And I pray. I constantly pray that God will continue to refine me. That He will stand in the gap for me. I have proclaimed I am ready, but I have also had to admit my desperate need for God to lead me through the storm.
In seeking Him during these moments that are my most embarrassing and ugly, I am finding freedom. It wasn’t a one day release and I believe that the enemy will continue to throw darts our way…but I am standing ready, with God at my side and I am believing that the chains are falling as we speak.