Monthly Archives: March 2013

Five Minute Friday – Broken


Linking up with Lisa Jo again this week to participate in Five Minute Friday.

Today’s word is BROKEN– ready, set go –

It is Good Friday.

And my heart is reflecting on the ways in which my Savior was broken for me.

Isaiah 53:5  “But he was pierced for our transgressions,
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
    and by his wounds we are healed.”

I don’t often consider the extreme to which Christ was broken on that day.  I recently watched the whipping scene from the movie The Passion of the Christ.  It is disturbing and horrifying to watch.

Christ was man. He felt the same kind of physical pain that we did. He was beaten so much and so badly that he was unrecognizable.

Broken for a sinner like me.

God knew the kind of people that would come generations after the birth of His Son.  He knew we would be wicked and sinful. He said that the penalty for sin is death. Life apart from Him.

And yet He had compassion and a desire for relationship with the broken. And so he sent a “solution” to the brokenness.  But it didn’t come without cost and without extreme suffering.

Christ paid the ultimate sacrifice for us….for me. Today as we remember the events of Good Friday, I too am broken. Amazed at the vast love that God had for us. And so very grateful that He loved us this deeply.

May our hearts be broken for Him in return.

My new Facebook status and what Easter is all about

I am a “comfortable” Christian. There I said it….I’m not proud of it – but now the truth is out there.

I love God, believe in His Word and I am constantly amazed at His sacrifice for me. But when it comes to standing up for what I believe in, I get quiet. I don’t want to offend anyone, step on someone’s toes…and if I am honest, (sigh) lose readers here.

I do want this to be a place of encouragement, where I can share my faith journey and hopefully give light to someone who is hurting. But God doesn’t call us to be silent about His Truth’s.

Facebook and the media have exploded recently over talk of equal rights and supporting gay marriage and supporting the woman’s “right to choose abortion”. Talk of Victoria’s Secret and their new “line” targeted at young pre-teen girls….As a society we want to make sin, of all kinds, “ok”….to sweep it under the rug, and I honestly feel sick at times about all of it and wonder what kind of world we are raising our kids in?

Here we are just a few days from Good Friday and there are more people changing their FB picture to an “equal” sign than showing reverence for the sacrifice that Christ made for us.

I think for many of us (even me included at times), we fail to reflect on just why we have “Easter” to celebrate in the first place.

And we fail to consider that Christ made such an unimaginable sacrifice on our behalf. 

Because of our sin.

Romans 3:23 “For ALL (my emphasis added) have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.”

That includes me – trust me, I am all too aware of my daily sin. I sin with my attitude towards my husband and my children, I sin every time I get angry and hurt someone with my words. I sin when I am unkind and unloving, judgmental and “conditional”….the list goes on and on.

I am acutely aware that even as a “Christian”, I am a sinner in need of daily grace.

But I don’t have to stay in that pit. There is hope!!

Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

THAT my friends should be our FB status. That God, a God with all power and authority – who could literally crush me at any moment, loved me so much that he gave the ultimate sacrifice – his only Son, to be scourged and beaten to within inches of His life, to be nailed to a cross, to die for the sin of all mankind – then and now, past, present and future.

Can you even wrap your arms around the weight of that?

And how do we show our gratitude?

As a society, we look out for Number 1. We are selfish and self-centered. We want what we want, when we want it. We are told that the Bible is a book of the past and shouldn’t be honored in “modern times”, God is being removed anything “Public” as to not offend someone with different beliefs….and we just take that sacrifice and spit in the face of it as we bathe in our sin of “what’s in it for me”.

Hear me on this (if you are even still with me) I recognize that any finger it may seem I have pointed at you there are 3 more pointed back at me. I have been guilty of the same. I am NOT judging you. I can love the sinner and hate the sin. But I have been convicted of these truths in recent days and can’t stay quiet about it.

You see, through trials I didn’t think we would survive, and in good times that seem too abundant, God has reached in and touched my soul in a way that I can’t fully explain. He has made beauty out of what was once ashes and I can no longer walk unrepentant.

Acts 3:19 “ Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord”.

Yes God sacrificed for me and in humbleness I must do the same. Turn from my sin, my pride…repent and follow Him with my whole heart.

And walk unafraid. My only concern should be how my heart is with God and not how many people “like” my page, or “friend” me and “follow” me here.

Lord I come to you ugly and broken, filled with more of the world and not enough of You. Give me the strength to be fearless in You – no matter the cost. Thank you for caring enough about me to send Christ to this world so that there isn’t an “end” when I die. Only hope and promise. Thank you for reminding me what is really important in this life, I can’t express my gratitude enough Lord. 

Isaiah 53:1-12  Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by mankind,
a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
 he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

Surely he took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
    and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to our own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
8 By oppression[a] and judgment he was taken away.
Yet who of his generation protested?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was punished.[b]
He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.

10 Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the Lord makes[c] his life an offering for sin,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.
11 After he has suffered,
he will see the light of life[d] and be satisfied[e];
by his knowledge[f] my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.
12 Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,[g]
and he will divide the spoils with the strong,[h]
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
    and made intercession for the transgressors.

*** I am attaching a link to the end of this post to a YouTube video from the Passion of the Christ movie. As a warning this is NOT a scene for young children to see – it is the “whipping” scene…and it is difficult to watch.  But doesn’t that make Chris’t sacrifice so much more amazing? I am humbled and awed at His love for me…..***

The Passion of the Christ

A Day in the Life….

How is it Tuesday again already?! If you have been following along with me, Tuesdays are the days that we post as a part of the God Sized Dream Team with Holley Gerth.

Today’s prompt is “What’s a typical day in your life like right now? How can you see God’s hand in the middle of the “small” and ordinary too?”

I don’t have a lot of “extraordinary” in my days…well maybe as far as the world is concerned…..but I think I have a pretty extraordinary family and so most of my day is filled spending time with one or more of them!

I usually get up between 5 and 5:30am.  I start my day by reading through some of the daily devotionals that I get in my inbox – and participating in the Hello Mornings Abounding Hope study.  It is also my time to catch up on some of the blogs that I like to read as well, or write a blog post if I am feeling inspired.

If I am feeling adventurous (which in all honesty I have not recently) I just might do a little workout as well. Last year at this time I was doing so good at this….and then it fell by the wayside!

I am in the shower and getting myself ready before anyone else is up and by 6:30am the rest of the family is getting up as well. (Yes I have some early risers in my home!)  We are all out the door and on our way to school and work by 7:45am.

As many of you know I now work with Dominic, my husband, in his office. So we get to spend the days together. Overall we work well together. I think as I am letting go of some of my own unrealistic expectations of myself, things are going more smoothly! 🙂

We usually come home and have lunch at home (did I say how much I LOVE working 5 minutes from my home?) I do – I love that we are so close to everything we need here (well except family) 🙁 but everything else is within 5 minutes and that is such a change from our last home!

During the day, and depending on the day, I make various trips to and from school and work and daycare etc., “mom taxi” puts on approx. 20 miles every day. Thank you Garmin statistics! 😉

Once the kids are picked up from daycare they are ready for dinner NOW so it is usually a quick meal and then, again depending on the night, there might be a few more taxi trips on the schedule. Tuesday and Thursday Gabriel has karate and Wednesday is Awana, Youth Group and at times Worship Team practice!

Our weekends have been full recently, and if we aren’t working long hours we are trying to make a trip back to SD to visit family! (Or we are missing everything because we have Influenza and colds and fevers) but that’s another story!

The weeks seem to fly by. At times I feel like I am missing too much. I wish I took more photos, I wish I blogged more, wish I played with my kids more. I know that there are other mother’s out there that feel like we are just doing our best to “get by”. Right?!

And while it isn’t always my idea of “perfect”….I know my kids are happy, they feel loved and they are thriving. Some days they may spend more time than they should playing the Kindle (ahem Elijah)….but they know they are a part of a family that loves them.

Today Gabriel asked that I pray for him on the way to school. He has been sick since Tuesday and is still so tired. I love that they know we pray for them and with them. So while my shelves are gathering a little too much dust, and my laundry room has become a permanent “dresser” for all the clean clothes… the end that isn’t what matters, is it?

At the end of the day I have a husband who believes in me and my abilities, even when I don’t. I have 4 children who are special and unique and wonderful all in their own ways. We live in a great community and neighborhood….and even though we sometimes make mistakes, we grow from them, and we continue to trust in a God that has been faithful to us (even when we are not faithful in return) and while my blog posts don’t reach millions and I am not making tons any money off of every “click”…I have the opportunity to share my heart in this space…and for all of these things I am truly grateful!

I don’t know that I would choose to change a thing even if I had the chance – well maybe the fact that our cats continue to eat and then vomit up half digested Nerf gun bullets…AND the fact that we still have garland up on our porch posts outside because it has been too cold to take it down (or we have been too lazy) and it is driving me NUTS because it is almost Easter…..but that’s all! 😉

How about you? How do you find reasons to be thankful in the “ordinary”?! If you want to join in the discussion link up with us!


Five Minute Friday – Remember


Linking up with Lisa Jo again this week to participate in Five Minute Friday. I love this because it is just a commitment of five minutes of unedited writing….we can all do that can’t we?? So if you haven’t started this series yet…today’s the day! :)

Today’s word is REMEMBER – ready, set go –

Our 9 yr old Gabriel is very sick. He has Influenza B and has been in bed since Tuesday night. To add insult to injury, this was his week to be the “Star Student” at school. There was something special planned for him each day of the week including lunch with mom and having dad be the mystery reader for the class.

For Wednesday we were asked to write a letter to Gabriel that his teacher could read to him and the  rest of the class. It is still sitting in his backpack. 🙁 So I thought I would remember Gabriel today and share our letter here.

Dear Gabriel,

Congratulations!! You are the Star Student this week! I don’t know that there are enough words to describe just how proud of you that your dad and I are. We are so lucky to have you as a part of our family. After having Isaac we waited 7 long years to add you to our family and everyone was so excited when you were born! When you were 3 months old you got very, very sick and spent 9 days in the hospital. It was very scary for us, but you were strong and a fighter and when you got better we knew that God had something special planned for you in your life.

You are a wonderful brother and do such a great job helping to take care of Elijah and Karlena.  Elijah loves to be able to share a room with you and always wants to do what you are doing!  He thinks you are a pretty cool big brother!  You are always looking for ways that you can be helpful at home and we really appreciate that!  School has always been easy for you and we are thankful that you enjoy it and work hard to complete your homework. We know that you always try your best and we have always been proud of your efforts in school.

Gabriel, you are always finding ways to entertain us! You like to tell jokes and do magic tricks and recently you are learning karate and have really progressed quickly! It is amazing how fast you can learn something new and remember it! You are very smart!

When we went to California for a vacation you wanted to ride on the scary roller coaster Space Mountain at Disney World. Even though you were only 5 you were very brave and insisted on riding with the big boys. When we went to Florida a few years later you rode on every scary ride – even ones that mom wouldn’t go on! You have no fear Gabriel!

 You have an enthusiasm for life and we love that about you! You are passionate and caring and are always looking for ways to do nice things for other people. When we moved from South Dakota to Minnesota you had a positive attitude and never complained. You saw the changes as an adventure and you have made Marshall your home.

You aren’t afraid to try new things like basketball and karate. And when you do try a new sport you always do well and practice so that your skills improve. You should be proud of all you have accomplished!

 One of the best parts of my day is when I pick you up from school and get to ask how your day was, how lunch was and if you have any homework. Even though I always know the answer, I ask anyways and like to make you laugh.

 Gabriel, I wish that I had time to share all of the fun stories that I remember about you. I want you to always remember that your dad and I love you very much and we are just so thankful that God gave us the honor of being your parents. We know that you will do great things when you grow up and we will be here to support you in any way we can as you learn and grow.

Thank you for being you Gabriel – we don’t ever want you to change because you are perfect just the way you are!  Love, Mom and Dad

Joy – Unspeakable Joy

Have you ever heard this version of Joy to the World by Chris Tomlin?  The one that has this in the chorus?

“Joy, unspeakable joy

An overflowing well, no tongue can tell

Joy, unspeakable joy

Rises in my soul, never lets me go”

These lyrics have been playing over and over in my mind recently.  A few months ago I shared about a very dark time in our recent past. It is almost hard to believe it was only a little over a year ago that we walked through that valley.

And going through it I would have never guessed that we would be where we are today. To say I am overwhelmed and full of joy is almost an understatement.

I have been reading about Job and about Joseph (the coat of many colors)….both went through some unimaginable trials. Job lost EVERYTHING (and God allowed it) and yet Job stayed faithful to God. He questioned Him, begged to be released from his suffering…but ultimately Job trusted God. And in the end God rewarded him exceedingly.

Joseph was betrayed by his jealous brothers and sold into slavery. Yes he was the “favorite” son and maybe even a little prideful – but did he deserve to be sold into slavery for years? But he too trusted God and God used that time of bondage to do great things with Joseph.

How quickly I forget – that so many have walked a similar path before me.

Maybe not the EXACT path that we have walked…but one filled with trials and struggles….and lots of asking “why”?!

I wish I could stand here today and say that I walked through our dark times with the faith of Job and Joseph.

Admittedly, I walked stomped my way through most of it, believing that no good would ever come of all our efforts….because it seemed it never had in the past.


But here is the amazing reality of my God friends – in spite of me – He has moved mountains. Things that seemed insurmountable, dreams that seemed unreachable, HE is making it happen and Dominic and I are just along for the ride.

Oh sure we suit up and show up every day and keep doing our best to do the next “right” thing….but the bounty, the blessings that have poured from the start of this new business are not our doing.

It is all God.

We now find ourselves in uncharted waters once again, but are experiencing it with hope and with joy. I can’t tell you how often I find myself shaking my head in wonder just saying “Thank You God – I don’t understand it but I don’t want to take it for granted”.

And while there is no guarantee that these successes will last – we don’t put our hope in that. We place our hope in a God that time and time again, through the ages, has made beauty out of ashes. 

How can you not find and feel joy knowing that truth?! I don’t know what valley you may find yourself in today. Maybe like me, for once you feel on the mountaintop….wherever it is – Praise God. Remember that He alone makes all things possible and He alone should get the glory when He does!

I can say this because as I look back through the past several years, hard years for us, I can now see where ALL of it was necessary to bring us to the place we are today. So with Joy, an unspeakable Joy, I celebrate a God that knew our “present” back then and has been leading us the entire time.

Joining the other dreamers out there today and linking up over at Holley’s – will you join us and share a little of what brings you joy?!


Five Minute Friday – Rest


Linking up with Lisa Jo again this week to participate in Five Minute Friday. I love this because it is just a commitment of five minutes of unedited writing….we can all do that can’t we?? So if you haven’t started this series yet…today’s the day! :)

Today’s word is REST – ready, set go –

Sometimes I feel like I am finding myself in a constant state of stress and chaos.

And it is probably true that in some cases I work best in those situations….but it isn’t healthy to always be on the go like that….always feeling just a little frantic.

Rest – we all need it. But if you are anything like me it is difficult to settle down and take the time to get adequate rest.

My husband used to call me a “piddler” – said that I always had to be doing something…could never just sit and relax.

I have gotten better about that (a little) – but if it isn’t a craft or cleaning…it is now time on the computer …so for me there is always something “going on”.

But I know that God desires us to rest. To rest in Him in those times of worry and chaos. To take time to rest our bodies so that we can be the best servant for Him that we can be.

Find time this weekend to just be still. Whether it is a nap or a time of prayer and meditation, give yourself permission to be a little lazy 😉 and rest.


The Desires of Our Hearts

Linking up today again with Holley to discuss this topic – “What do you really want more of in your life? Will you dare to say it out loud?”

When I think of what might be missing at the very core of any of my dreams and plans it is focus. If I am honest, I have a difficult time being intentional. This is unfortunately true in many areas of my life.

I have good plans, good ideas….things that I would like to see completed. I am great at starting something and not always so great at following through. Especially if the follow through requires time, or patience.

Here is just one example – Slowly over the past year I have been painting several rooms in our home.  I love finding deals in the clearance paint center at our local Menards and seeing how a little thing like paint can transform a space.

But it is hard work, and isn’t a “quick” job. The last room I painted was our master bedroom. It is 99.3% completed. I started one Saturday morning and painted all day non stop – took me almost 6 hours. At the end I had 1 wall with maybe a 1/4 inch edge that needs to be trimmed out. I was too lazy to tape off the baseboard so I had to leave a space. My brush was soaked with paint at this point and no small line was happening.

So I picked everything up and promised myself that I would finish the edge later that week. That was at least 3 weeks ago. 🙁 The paint cans still sit on our dresser mocking me.

And I realize that this “unfinished” business carries over into other areas as well. Especially in my relationship with God and my relationship with my family.

I am not good about setting a dedicated time to read and study God’s Word. I am trying little things to change that – one being the Hello Mornings Group – we read a set of specific Bible verses each morning and then share a little about their impact with a group of other people.

But I know it isn’t enough. And when I started I was all over the journaling, getting up early, diving in….and somewhere in there “life” happened and the alarm got set back a 1/2 hour and my quiet time is cut short.

And I am convicted of the fact that if I want this space to be God-filled and God-inspired….I have to be spending time with the “filler”. If I want to see the desires of my heart filled – I have to be available to God’s leading FIRST…and how can I hear His leading if I am filling up all of my time with busyness?

And I know that I am not “hearing” my children like I should. I was challenged by my favorite blogger Angie this week when she posted about this very topic. Last night instead of spending time at the computer – Elijah, Karlena and I baked a cake. I had visions of it being this wonderful experience….and it didn’t turn out quite as I had hoped. BUT they laughed, and they were made to feel important. THAT is what matters!

When Holley asked us to share what we wanted more of in our lives, I wasn’t initially sure what I should write….but over the past few days the common theme of being intentional has flooded my heart…so I feel THAT is my starting point.

While I have big dreams for this space….I think that God has even bigger plans for my heart, my family and my relationships. How are you more intentional about your time – especially when it comes to your time and your family?

If you haven’t picked up a copy of Holley’s book yet and would like to join us – you can do so here! And please consider joining in our weekly link-ups – it is a great way to do a little writing and meet some fellow dreamers along the way!


Five Minute Friday – Home


Linking up with Lisa Jo again this week to participate in Five Minute Friday. I love this because it is just a commitment of five minutes of unedited writing….we can all do that can’t we?? So if you haven’t started this series yet…today’s the day! :)

Today’s word is HOME – ready, set go –

It is interesting to me that for the start Marshall has felt like our home. We both grew up in South Dakota, we lived the majority of our married life together in South Dakota. We have been here in Minnesota for less than 2 years. But from the moment we moved here it felt “right”.

God really blessed our moving experience. From finding a wonderful home, in a neighborhood filled with kids, to a church and church family that has blessed and challenged us….it has all felt like home to us.

It was such a big and scary step to make the move that we did. But even through all of the difficulties we have faced in the past 2 years, we have felt such love and support from this community here in Marshall – God is so good. He brought us to a new home, that never felt strange or out of place…it just always felt right.

My prayer for you is that wherever you find yourself today – you may find yourself at “home” and trust that even if it isn’t easy right now…God has a bigger purpose and plan for each of you! That has certainly been our experience!


Many of you reading this probably have already heard of or know about Allume.  But if not let me just tell you a little about it.

Allume is a blogging conference.  In their words: Our goal at Allume is to minister to the woman, the blogger, the story teller. We want to love well, encourage, and spur women on to shine the Light that lives within them. We want to serve you in ways that cultivate the Light of Christ in you, help you expand your influence, use your influence well (in your home, your community, or around the world) and encourage you with stories of those who are living out that Light.”

I heard about this conference last year…and wanted to go – but the finances just weren’t there, and it wasn’t something I felt I could or should make a priority. But after being accepted and added as a part of Holley’s dream-team, starting this blog and finding a bit of my “voice”, the desire to grow this space has developed inside of me.

I want to find a way to encourage here. To share my story – God’s story in my life, and to hear yours.  I have found so much encouragement in this community of bloggers. I have once again found my passion for writing and story-telling….something that for many years was long forgotten. And I don’t want to let it go again.

So today I took a small step of faith and I ordered a ticket for Allume.  I did so with the understanding that they sell out quickly, and if worse came to worse and I couldn’t go….I could easily find someone to buy my ticket.

But I don’t want to have to sell my ticket. I want to go (even though it scares me to death). I want to learn and grow by hearing stories from those people that have already walked this path. And I want to meet some of my fellow dreamer sisters in person!

But these things come at a cost. The ticket, the hotel, the flight to South Carolina….it all adds up. So I have heard other bloggers talk about sponsorship etc., and honestly I don’t know how to go about any of it….so I am asking you. My wise friends. 🙂

If you have walked this road before and have any tips, would you be so kind to share them with me? I don’t even really know where to start…but I feel like this is something that I NEED to do….so I am willing to be a little uncomfortable while learning how to follow this dream!

And if you are reading this and are also attending Allume would you leave me a comment and let me know – I’d love to connect! 🙂

A letter to you my dreamer-friend

My dreamer-sisters,

This “following your dreams” business can be tough can’t it?! 🙂  I know, I have been there, and in all honesty I am still there at times. There are some days that I spend more time believing the lies than walking in the freedom of God’s plan for my life.

I want you to hear me though…on the hardest days, the days you feel stuck or the days you feel you have moved backward….God knew these days would come, He knew that He could use this for His glory. Take heart in that my friends and keep pressing forward!

The bible verse I studies this morning was Psalm 40:4-8 and it fits for this time in my life. And I think it will fit for you too…

Blessed is the one
    who trusts in the Lord,
who does not look to the proud,
    to those who turn aside to false gods.[a]
Many, Lord my God,
    are the wonders you have done,
    the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
    were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
    they would be too many to declare.

Sacrifice and offering you did not desire—
    but my ears you have opened[b]
    burnt offerings and sin offerings[c] you did not require.
Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—
    it is written about me in the scroll.[d]
I desire to do your will, my God;
    your law is within my heart.”

“But my ears you have opened”….

Are your ears open? Are you listening to His whispers? He has called you to this place – wherever you find yourself this morning – for a specific purpose.

Maybe you find yourself with screaming kids, laundry piled up and bills that you are finding hard to pay……maybe you are working at a job that is thankless and you wonder if “this is it?”.  Maybe you have taken that leap of faith and started a blog so that you can  share your passion through writing – but it doesn’t seem to be growing….is anybody even seeing you??

He sees you. Please trust me in that! God sees you.

He sees the mess, He sees the scary, He sees the overwhelming and the small and He uses them.

We can’t and we won’t always see the end result…..but if we are following in God’s plan for our lives – there will be fruit.

Today, wherever you find yourself, thank God. When thankfulness fills our hearts, it is easier to handle the difficult, and easier to see God’s hand in all of it.  Don’t give up, don’t stop seeking after His plan. Some day you will look back and see where the “right-nows” formed you into the amazing woman God has planned you to be!!

And know that I am walking right there with you. If you have a prayer request as you discover all the dreams God has for you – please share it….I would be honored to pray for you!

Much love,

Your dreamer-sister


This week’s challenge:  Write a post that’s titled “A Letter to the God-sized Dreamers” and tell your God-sized dreaming sisters why we need them and their dreams–especially when it’s hard. Have you joined us in this journey?? If so please link up over here and share your story!!  Holley’s new book is finally available!! If you don’t have a copy yet – you can find it here! 🙂