The office of my old high school was a wall of windows and gave those that passed by a glimpse to what was happening inside. And no day was more full of activity than Valentine’s Day. Flowers lined the desk and balloons swayed back and forth, the colors and fragrances beckoned all who walked by.
If you were one of the lucky recipients, the office staff would announce your name over the loud speaker so you would know there was something for you to pick up. As a teenager I wanted nothing more than to have my name called. Because those flowers and such were an indication that you meant something to someone else.
When the call didn’t come for me I translated it to mean that I didn’t have any value at all. Period.
Big leap I know, but it was one that I made time and time again.
Not invited to the party, can’t make the cheerleading squad, don’t have a boyfriend…all signs to me that I was a failure and I didn’t fit in.
I have shared here before that I have carried those lies and misperceptions about myself around with me for years. It is hard to walk in the dreams that God has for me when I can’t see myself for anything more than a continual failure.
I hadn’t realized just how much those lies I had believed had followed me into adulthood. How they had blanketed me with shame and kept me bound in fear. I had played the role of victim for so many years, believing I wasn’t good enough for God.
But friends, I need you to hear me on this…it isn’t true. And this is not the way that God wants us to live!
Shrouded in fear and failure…that isn’t abundant living!
I am sharing more about all God is teaching me over at God-sized Dreams today – will you join me?!
Original Photo Credit: via modified for GSD
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