I am a bit of a Type A…ok that’s a lie. I am a HUGE perfectionist. And if I am honest about it, it isn’t because I am as concerned about the “final product” as much as how I am perceived by all of you.
It stings a little to admit that to you….because it isn’t a part of my heart that I am proud of. But it is a part of my heart that becomes more and more apparent to me as I walk with Christ.
I want you all to think that I have it together. I want my children to behave in public and never throw fits. I want my children to be successful and strong and confident. And while those last things are good character traits to have – I have to look at the reason I desire those things for them.
If it is so that I look good as a mother – then I am missing the point. This morning I came across a video recording of Angie Smith taking at her church Crosspoint this past Mother’s Day. Here is the link to the “pinned” You Tube version. It is worth the 36 min to watch it!
She talked about that God desires us to know His love for us and to communicate THAT to our children.…not the “conditional” love that I often show them. The “you do good and make me look good and then mom will be happy” kind of love.
Have you ever been there?
Admittedly I have, maybe it wasn’t my hearts intent….but the way I communicate with them may just convey that message exactly.
And this just after I had another “perfectionist” moment this morning.
We got a call that it had been many years since our county had done a full assessment of our property and could they come out this morning to look at the inside of the house. They are basically just looking for improvements etc…
So when I got up this morning (on my day off) I started cleaning and picking up. Perfecting the beds, folding blankets, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, putting the “fancy” pillows on the bed. I KNOW, for crying out loud people!! I have a serious problem.
Yes it is good to have a clean house. Generally I try and keep it that way. But do I really believe that this dude (can I call him a dude? I think so)…anyways this dude doesn’t care if the toy room is clean, or the bathroom mirrors are spotless.
98% of the time it just doesn’t look that way in my house. As much as I wish it did….we have kids, they are messy, we are busy and something ALWAYS needs to be done.
This is the picture I want to convey to you…
Pillows perfectly placed, floor clean of toys and cat hair, juice cups in the sink…neat and tidy, welcoming and inviting…
What you will likely find in my home at any given moment instead is this…
Unsupervised for even a few minutes….my children can make a mess! 🙂 And as I write this, the mess is still there. 🙂
And I think that is how my faith walk can look at times too. I want to be the Christian that is all neat and tidy and put together, while being warm and inviting and a person to be comfortable with. The condition of my heart though can often reflect the mess of the 2nd picture.
I have a short temper and I don’t spend nearly enough time reading the Bible or in communion with God. So how can I expect my outside to be a perfect reflection of Christ’s love for me if my insides are a mess?
Our time here on earth is short. We don’t know what tomorrow holds. Why do we waste so much time pretending to be someone we can’t be in the first place, instead of truly seeking out God in ALL things and developing the Godly character that He desires in all of us?
My life is often a mess. But because it is, I am more fully aware of my need for a Savior, and so very grateful that Christ died for someone like me.
Embrace the mess and seek God with your whole life and be at peace as He changes you bit by messy bit!