The Post I Didn’t Want to Write

Hearts

Disclaimer: This post contains sensitive and personal topics. (To my parents and grandparents I would be totally fine if you stopped reading right now!) 🙂

Last night I was at Walmart looking at Valentine’s cards near the health and beauty section. While I was standing there I overheard a very loud conversation happening in the middle of the isle between several teens from a neighboring small community. The girls were wearing letter jackets so I know they were high school aged….

The boys started asking if a certain girl needed to buy more “items” in “THAT” isle….I had a fear I knew what THAT isle was based on where we were standing. One boy says laughing “They have already been through 4 boxes”, when one of the girls responded “No it isn’t that much…more like 2 boxes – they have only been dating for two months”

I almost passed out right there….and then I got angry.

The girl, the topic of discussion, wasn’t there. But here were several teen-aged children discussing the very personal details of her alleged sexual life.

And as a women and a mom my heart broke.

It broke for the girl that decided to make such a huge choice like that AND then share about such personal details that now was the topic of discussion. It broke for the parents of that girl…what would her mama think if she knew her daughter was not only participating in this activity, but then being the talk of her “friends”.  And my heart broke that bragging about how many times a teenager has had sex is becoming so popular in today’s society.

Apparently it is “cool” for our children to be having sex these days.

Yep I said it…children.

While I have a very responsible 17 year old of my own….he is still a child in my eyes and having sex is a life changer. It just is. Something I would not want for him…for anyone his age.

And yet it is happening and is seen as a status symbol.

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When I was in junior high I dated a boy in my class….we would play basketball together and listen to music, exchange notes in school, and I thought I was in love.

One day several months into our “relationship” we were sitting on a couch in his basement and he asked me a question….”When?”

“When what?” I was naive and clueless

“When are we going to….you know, have sex?”

I didn’t know what to say. I was scared and not ready, I was 14 for crying out loud!  But he had older brothers, he must have felt some pressure to be doing what they were doing, regardless the question was out there.

So that night I went home and wrote him a letter. I told him that I loved him but I wasn’t ready. A week after he got my letter he broke up with me. He said he wanted to spend more time playing video games with his friends and didn’t need a girlfriend. I knew the truth though.

My “no” had ended the relationship.

Fast forward a few years and I am dating an older boy that I met at work. He had a car, was a drummer in the band at school and was fun to be with. We dated the entire time I was in high school into my first year of college.

At some point the relationship went to “that” place again. He told me that he loved me….told me that we were going to get married so if we were the only people that we were ever going to be with – why wait?

He was convincing and I justified it in my heart. If he was going to be my husband then it can’t be that bad right?

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Once the decision is made it can’t be undone.

I felt like there was a scarlet letter on my chest, that everyone would know what I had done and I was so ashamed.

I didn’t tell a soul, not even my closest friend. That kind of information couldn’t be shared, it wasn’t something to be “proud” of. I knew in my heart that it was a sin, that it wasn’t God’s plan for my life but I had made the choice and it couldn’t be undone.

In my opinion and from my experience, once that line has been crossed, justifying it again becomes easier.

When I met Dominic in my 2nd year of college I was enamored immediately. He was smart and funny and we spent hours talking about life. We had an on again off again relationship but at some point we crossed “that” line together.

And to my shock and surprise I got pregnant.

We were completely unprepared to handle the road ahead of us.

Hear me on this – Isaac is a gift. I wouldn’t change his place in our family…not one bit! But it wasn’t easy. Our choices have consequences. And we had to learn that the hard way.

Pregnancy is more prevalent today than it ever has been. A pregnancy crisis center that offers counseling and parenting classes etc., came and spoke at our church last week. They serve a 60 mile radius area which includes Marshall. Last year they helped 4, 12 year old, girls who were pregnant.

Can you imagine? 12 years old!

I didn’t even know what sex was at 12!

I don’t have all the answers…but I have a heart for these kids who are participating in things that they are unequipped to handle.

I can’t tell you what to do with your own kids. I can share what I will do with mine.

First and I think most important….keep open lines of communication.

These are not “comfortable” conversations, but they are necessary. Our kids need to know what we believe and why. While I can’t force Isaac to “behave” in a way I would like, if I say nothing I am not counteracting all of the things that the world is screaming at him!

Be willing to be open about our experiences.

I have shared some of my stories with Isaac. Not because I am proud of them but because he needs to know we faced some of the same challenges. He knows about the struggles we had and why we had them. He experienced some of the consequences of those choices during his young life.

Pray for our youth.

I have said it before and I will say it again. We are in a war! The enemy seeks to destroy the sanctity of marriage, the God-given place for sex. We collectively need to be in prayer for our younger generation! That God’s truth would be revealed, heard and followed.

Friends this isn’t a post I wanted to write…it is personal on several levels and not something I ever thought that I would share here.

But God has been hounding my heart for the past 12 hours 🙂 so I am willingly stepping out in faith and trusting that this post is a post that someone needs to read.

I want to end this with a promise.

God redeems the broken and we are ALL broken in some way or another. (<==== Click to Tweet)

God has taken my bad choices and given me a platform to share with others that He can use us, in spite of us! And He will do the same with you, if you are willing to let Him into your life.

Before Dominic and I got married we went to counseling with the Pastor who asked us to sign a covenant. A covenant that we would not have sex again until we were married. He said that while we had made a choice to have sex before marriage, we could enter our wedding day in a new covenant relationship with God.

Clean, pure….

Each one of us can enter into that covenant relationship with God – regardless of our past – it is available to us!

Don’t think there is anything too broken that God can’t restore! If you have questions about the kind of restoration available to you please leave me a comment – I’d love to connect with you!

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35 thoughts on “The Post I Didn’t Want to Write

  1. Kandy Stevens
    Twitter:

    Absolutely beautiful, and I am SO proud that you wrote this. Proud of you. Proud of your message. And PROUD of a your love for a God who redeems the broken. Sister you are beautiful . . . and brave. Thank you for your courage.

    Reply
  2. Chelle
    Twitter:

    Oh, mama,
    I am so very proud of you for being brave enough to go there. I agree with you, in parenting, all we have is ou transparency; our children see more of what we do than hear what we say. If we can’t be open and available to them, we aren’t serving them as we should.
    Your faith and your bravery, and your fierce mama’s heart make me so proud and honored to be your friend. You know how I feel about brokenness, so this…”God redeems the broken and we are ALL broken in some way or another” so resonated with me. THAT’s a keeper.
    Love you girl,
    Chelle
    Chelle recently posted…Gifts, particularly the ones you’d NEVER claim for yourself…silenceMy Profile

    Reply
  3. Sarah E
    Twitter:

    Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing this. Your testimony allows you to speak into the lives of so many who are struggling in this area and contemplating going against God’s plan for sex within a marriage. Your words have more “weight” since you’ve walked that road, but also experienced the beauty of God’s redemption. I pray someone will read that needs to hear it!! 🙂
    Sarah E recently posted…To: The Single LadiesMy Profile

    Reply
  4. Mel
    Twitter:

    Oh, friend…I’m proud of you. I know these weren’t easy words to write, but I’m praying that God uses your story in a mighty way…and I think He already is. Praising Him for all He’s redeemed! He is Good. 🙂

    Reply
  5. Kim Hyland
    Twitter:

    Kristen, just TODAY I was thinking about how foolish it is to not talk regularly with our children about sex. They live in a culture that is SCREAMING lies about it every single day. It absolutely is a war, and Satan would love nothing better than for parents to pretend it’s not raging. Sex is such a beautiful, intimate and wonderful gift between a husband and wife revealing the amazing love of our gracious and generous Father. It’s no wonder our enemy relentlessly attacks our children’s sexuality. Awesome post! Thank you for being brave.
    Kim Hyland recently posted…A Good FixMy Profile

    Reply
  6. Olivia

    Proud of you! It is a bold step, and a hard one. I’ve had that conversation with my younger son, who made the decision that can’t be unmade now. (The first thing I said to him was to ask if he had used protection. He couldn’t believe I had asked him that!) I know there are times he wishes it could be undone. I don’t know how things will work out for my son, but yes, this conversation is one that we need to have with our children, and that we need to cover them with prayers. Thank you, sister dreamer!
    Olivia recently posted…From Whence Comes My Strength?My Profile

    Reply
  7. Elise Daly Parker
    Twitter:

    Well done good and faithful servant. God planted this message in your heart and you were brave enough to say yes. I am so proud of you. And pray that your transparency will empower and bless many. Sometimes God asks us to do a hard thing that He will use in ways we can’t imagine. We have to keep talking about sex and the consequences…and the beautiful plan God has instead. Bless you, friend!!
    Elise Daly Parker recently posted…We’re Going to Be Okay…Do You Believe it?My Profile

    Reply
  8. Claire

    Wow… Powerful words that I needed to hear. I am a college freshman whose relationship with the boy I dated through all of high school and through this year just ended a month ago, and I also crossed “that” line. I feel broken beyond repair, and struggling to figure out how to restore myself.

    Reply
  9. Barbara B Anderson

    One area of parenting that has me worried, what kind of world our little kids are growing up into. Thank you for sharing your story. We are going to do our best to help our kids remain pure until they marry.

    Reply

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