Linking up with Lisa Jo again  – LIVE FROM ALLUME!!! -this week to participate in Five Minute Friday.

Today’s word is  TOGETHER – ready, set go –

I wasn’t sure exactly what this weekend would mean for me. This gathering of friends together at Allume.

I had hopes for meeting my roommates for the first time and developing those real life relationships…but I had no idea it would be like this.

I am home. I am with my people. These are women that know me and help me to feel more together.

Sisters. Girlfriends. Gifts.

Each of you know who you are. You have gifted me with laughter in ways I couldn’t imagine I could experience in the course of 24 hours.

If I walk away from this weekend with nothing else, I will feel blessed abundantly.

Thank you dear friends for loving me.

Thank you for accepting me.

I am finally at a place where I feel like I belong, and it is together with all of you.

This God of ours that brought us together in this unique way is showing me that He can fill the voids that my heart has felt for so long.

Thank you Jesus.

I am filled with overflowing.

Linking up with Lisa Jo again this week to participate in Five Minute Friday.

Today’s word is WRITE– ready, set go –

I don’t come here to this place often enough. To write and share my heart.

I want to, I have some of the best blog posts written in my head in the shower every morning. But I struggle with getting them down.

Struggle with finding the time in my busy schedule to do what I love.

I don’t know when it happened, this love of writing.

It started slowly at first, as a way of healing after our miscarriage. I was having such a hard time with getting through it and decided to start writing.  Being able to bear my soul was therapeutic.

Writing can heal.

Then it moved into a way to document my pregnancies and children’s birthdays.  Just the other day I went through some of old posts on my family blog and smiled at how much my family has changed since 2008.

Writing can leave a legacy.

Today I have this space, a place that I hope can build community and offer encouragement. When I write I can share my weaknesses and His strength. God has done so much in my life and when I write I hopefully glorify Him.

Writing can encourage.

Whatever the reason, I believe that this love of writing is a God given gift. I may not always have the perfect sentence structure, grammar or fancy words that impress. But when it comes from the heart, our words can have so much impact.

And that is why I write!

Linking up with Lisa Jo again this week to participate in Five Minute Friday.

Today’s word is TRUE– ready, set go –

Lisa asked us to write a true story, to share the truth of where we are right now….

Truth is I am worn out and weary most days.

Truth is I do it to myself. I have high expectations of myself and others and I get frustrated when they aren’t met.

Truth is I spend too much time worrying about what other people think about me and not enough about being a true light of Christ in my day.

Truth is I get jealous when I see friends in this online community that seem more successful than I am.

Truth is I don’t make the time to write as much as I would like so I only have myself to blame! 🙂

Truth is I have met some amazing women through blogging. Women that I can email and share all my ugly truth’s with and they still love me.They still accept me and encourage me.

Truth is THAT is what this is all about for me. Community building. I know that I am not the best at it. I know that I don’t have the email subscribers or twitter followers that others have but the truth is it doesn’t matter.

What matters is that there are people available to me because of this community and the truth is I am so so grateful.

In 4 weeks I will meet many of these women and the truth is I am terrified they won’t like the “real” me in person as much as they seem to like the me behind the computer screen.  But I am stepping out and trusting it will be ok.

The truth is, this probably took longer than 5 minutes but I am blessed by the opportunity to write and share and thankful for each of you that stop here and encourage me.

Linking up with Lisa Jo again this week to participate in Five Minute Friday.

Today’s word is SHE– ready, set go –

She is my only girl, a sweet surprise after 3 boys and difficult times trying to conceive. I always knew that if she was added to our family that we would give her my dear friends name.

When the letters G I R L were typed across the ultrasound screen I couldn’t believe it! She would finally be ours. Sharing the news of her coming was something I will never forget.

She is independent and adorable and sassy all wrapped up in one.

Some days I wonder what she will grow up to be like. She loves her brothers fiercely. She wants to spend all of her time doing what they are doing.  She likes to collect “cada’s” and pet them and then she rips their wings off….

She isn’t quite the princess that I imagined she might be – but she is perfect in every way. She is ours and I count my blessings every day that she is a part of our lives.

Linking up with Lisa Jo again this week to participate in Five Minute Friday.

Today’s word is WORSHIP– ready, set go –

Music has always been in my soul – the one way that I connect best to God.

Singing in my car, music cranked up and praising God for all He has done in our lives.

When everything around me was falling apart and I felt like God wasn’t there – I sang anyways because it was all I knew how to do.

When I lost my best friend and wanted to honor her….singing was way that I best knew how to do that.

But singing, music isn’t the only way we can worship. My son Gabriel who is 9 just doesn’t sing. AT.ALL.

But man can that boy pray!  He learned the ACTS prayer and he has such spirit when he gets into it…eyes closed, worshipping God.

One day I asked him why he didn’t sing in church on Sundays. He told me that singing wasn’t the way that he was going to talk to God – prayer was.

Very well then! 😉

But he reminded me that worship is a unique experience for each of us and I am just so grateful that he has found a way to connect with God too – even if it isn’t the way that I do!

What form of worship best connects you to God??

Linking up with Lisa Jo again this week to participate in Five Minute Friday.

Today’s word is LONELY– ready, set go –

Yesterday I was going through the saved voice mails on my phone and suddenly her voice was there. It was during one of the last visits where I was able to see her alive.

“Have you landed at the airport yet?”……

We were both so excited for the visit, eager to spend even the weekend together sharing life. Because we knew we wouldn’t be given many more opportunities to do so.  So we shared a lifetime’s worth of love in a much shorter time.

It has been almost 3 years now.

And yet the lonely creeps in, especially when I hear that message again. A message I haven’t been able to erase because I don’t want to forget her. Forget how she sounded….a voice completely unique to her.

When you lose your best friend it is hard to “replace” that. I don’t know that I even want to fully replace it. But it is lonely when there isn’t “that person”, “that girlfriend” to share life with.

I may always live a bit of my life lonely for her. But I celebrate who she was, and hear her name every time I call out to my daughter…her life is such a big part of who I am, even today.  So I recognize that this lonely will be a part of me until we celebrate together at the feet of Jesus. And I thank God for the time we did have and that I was lucky enough to know her and love her.

Missing you friend….

Linking up with Lisa Jo again this week to participate in Five Minute Friday.

Today’s word is STORY– ready, set go –

For many years I lived angry about how the story of my life was playing out.

Bitter about the trials and disappointments, only seeing what was unfair and constantly comparing myself to every one else’s joy…my life felt like a defeat.

I wanted a story that was “normal”.

I would cry out to God to change my life, make it easy, make it better and I couldn’t see, I wouldn’t see that each trial was making me stronger. Causing me to rely on God and building a foundation of faith.

I wanted the easy route and I didn’t get it.

Today I stand with a different view. I can see how God was shaping my story. Molding me so that my story is less about me and more about Him.  It isn’t the way that I wanted initially, this refinement process isn’t one that I would have chosen. But I can finally see the beauty that has emerged.

And I am grateful.

I don’t know that I do “normal” well, and I am not sure that I even know what that is!

And that is ok. Each of us walks a different path, God has a story planned out for all of us. Some get to walk the easy a little longer than most. Some trudge through the difficult on a daily basis.

But I have become convinced that each path is a walk that can bring us closer to God and when we seek Him, lean into Him during the journey we will see a story emerge that is one of beauty and blessing because of Him.

And that my friends is a story that needs to be told!

Linking up with Lisa Jo again this week to participate in Five Minute Friday.

Today’s word is BELONG– ready, set go –

Growing up I had friends but I never felt like I really belonged. I always felt a little like I was on the outside looking into the party that was happening,…so close to being invited inside, but not quite.

This feeling has followed me into adulthood.  I think I can be my own worst enemy and I will tell myself the lies that I don’t fit in and I won’t ever belong….so I stop trying to be involved in the very community that I crave.

But God has gently pushed me outside of my comfort zone, called me to community with other women who have made me feel that I DO belong. These God-Sized dreamers have encouraged me, walked along side of me, prayed for my family and cheered me on in my little triumphs.

I am seeing over and over again that God created us for this – community with other believers.  And I am so grateful. Grateful that God brought this group of women together. Grateful for the opportunities that have come from saying “yes” to something that seemed scary at first. Because of you beautiful women I finally feel like I belong, and it is a party!