Can I share a secret with you?
One of my biggest hurdles, the thing that trips me up more often than anything else is my need to impress others. It is hard to admit that, but it is true.
I have long had a deep need to seek approval and acceptance from others. As early as 6th grade I knew that I didn’t fit in and I so desperately wanted to. Maybe the cheerleading squad would get me there…or a boyfriend, all the popular girls were “going out” with a boy.
Insecurity keeps me waist deep in the struggle to find value in what those around me think of me. I am not always patient and I would be terrible at homeschooling my kids, and I don’t really have the desire to stay at home, I enjoy working. That alone must make me a terrible mother.
So instead I put on a happy face, dress my kids up nice for church and tell them that they better behave “or else.” We need to make a good impression to those that matter most.
It’s all a fancy show, and I am guessing those that know me well, aren’t buying it.
I read books about how I should focus on the value I have in the eyes of God…and while I want to believe that, the enemy reminds me of how very broken I really am.
Surely God can’t value a girl like me. That woman down the street that has it all together…I’m certain God values her more than someone as flawed as me.
I don’t share these whispers so that you will all tell me how great I am…really, I do so because I believe that there are those out there believing the very same lies and are just as stuck as I am.
Because that’s what they are…lies.
God doesn’t value us because of what we do, how perfect or imperfect we are.
No He looks at each of us, His creation, made in His image and He loves us. He values us because we are His. We don’t have to do anything to deserve this kind of love. Thank goodness right?!
I still struggle with the need to impress. I am learning very slowly who I am IN Christ. I know that freedom is possible, I am just not walking fully in it yet. But I have hope.
By seeking God each day, reading His word and reminding myself who He says I am, beloved, chosen, a woman of value….I am walking towards freedom and I trust that He is with me every step of the way.
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