“I just can’t do it” I told him.
I was frustrated and angry with myself, mostly because I was filled with fear and my words and actions revealed the depth of that fear.
When my husband started his own business he faced fear too but with great faith he stepped forward anyways. After a year of working by himself, handling all of the calls, scheduling, paperwork…he was a bit overwhelmed.
We started talking about possible solutions and he asked if I would consider working with him. I had been working at a financial advisor’s office for a little less than a year and the guilt at leaving was just one issue I had.
“I just don’t know if it is possible. What if we can’t work together, what if we can’t generate enough business to cover the guaranteed salary that I will be giving up?!”
Fear. Plain and simple fear of the unknown kept me stuck. I didn’t believe in all that was possible if I just trusted God’s leading on this.
So I did what I often do in these situations and I attempted to manage it all myself. I asked my employer if I could work part time so that I could help Dominic out “just to get him caught up.”
They agreed and I started my split schedule. Because guilt has often been a motivator for me I worked really hard at both jobs. I didn’t want anyone to have to do more because I was doing less. I was stressed out upon waking each morning.
“I can’t do this Lord!”
This went on for a few months, it is a wonder that I lasted that long really. A stomach ulcer that made itself known on a short vacation was the tipping point. Something had to change.
“I am finally ready to trust you with this Lord.”
I went in and quit my job and started working full time with my husband. I wasn’t convinced that we would manage…I still didn’t believe it would be possible to make up my lost wages.
But even in my doubt (and after all that holding on to the reins myself) we moved forward and can I just tell you that God has taken my “I don’t think it is possible” fears and blown them out of the water.
We have been working together successfully for a few years now. It is a gift really. No it isn’t always easy, but we are learning through the growing pains. Some days we are frustrated and overwhelmed, just like we would be with any job. But I get to walk this road WITH my husband, each day.
When we seek God He will make the impossible, possible. I have seen it in my own life time and time again.
Yes it may be uncertain, and scary but when we trust God with those doubts and fears He will use them to grow our faith and give Him the glory. Our business is successful today because of all God has done. Yes we show up and do the work each day…but He makes it possible.
What impossible roadblock are you facing today? Can you open your hands and trust God with it? I can’t wait to see all that He will do!
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