Monthly Archives: October 2015

31 Days of Seeking Him – Rest

31 Days of Seeking Him

I don’t rest well.

Sure I can sleep just fine, pretty easily actually. I can thrive on minimal sleep and function during the day. But I am not good at slowing down to rest.

Not unlike our daughter who fights nap time each day, I too fight rest.

There is always something that could be/should be done. Resting seems lazy and in my crazy mind can induce stress because I become that much more behind.

As I write this post I am on an airplane headed to Florida for a short girls weekend and lots of rest.

When I was voxing Gindi about what I was bringing I mentioned that I had packed 5 Tide pods for doing laundry. She called me back laughing saying we would NOT be doing laundry this weekend. We will be sleeping, in the condo or on the beach, and writing and shopping.

No kids, no laundry needed.

Even when escaping for a weekend of rest I struggle with how to embrace it!

So before I left I removed 3 pods. Ok I know I am going to need some work in this area, but it is a start! And as a side I really do hate having stinky laundry in the same suitcase as clean….but that is just another level to the insanity of my mind 😉

But I can see the value in making space in our lives for rest. For taking some time to do one of those things that fills you up. For some it may be much needed sleep. For me it is writing.

For months I have been too busy to make this time for myself. Today as I have travelled I have written 9 posts thus far! I am energized and excited and finding the best way for me to embrace rest. And I am grateful that God is using this time to give me the words.

Tonight I will enjoy a sunset on the beach and marvel in the glory that is God’s creation…and if I am lucky eat some marvelous food too.

Is rest hard for you too? I would encourage you to find some time in the next week and carve out a few hours doing that thing that would bring some rest in your life. Seek Him, rest in His presence, His creation and be filled.

31 Days of Seeking Him – Ready

31 Days of Seeking Him

I am a morning person. My husband is not. So I typically get up a few hours earlier than he does each day. I spend some time praying or doing a short Bible study and then I will take a shower and get ready for the day.

During the school year my other kids are up early as well. They have some specific “jobs” to do each morning, like showering, eating breakfast, brushing teeth etc…we have developed a pretty good routine.

But as is in any family, life isn’t always perfect.

The kids are tired, or we are out of frozen waffles and someone didn’t get one, the dog is barking or they can’t find their shoes. Right before we all head out the door things can get a little frenzied and tense.

It doesn’t take much to make me snap.

I shared a little a few months ago about my struggle with anger. How it wells up inside of me and then if I am not on guard, it spews out on those closest to me. I don’t want to be the kind of mama that my kids are afraid of. I want to be a safe harbor, not a raging sea.

Things have gotten better. I have asked a few friends if I can be accountable to them. One dear friend has asked several times how I am doing specifically with anger. And it hasn’t been terrible. Sure I get mad at times, but my reactions haven’t been as severe.

But these changes do not come easily. I have to be ready.

Ready for what you might ask? For battle.

I believe that there is an enemy that seeks to destroy my family. One that thrives in the struggle, that encourages explosions of emotion and unforgiveness.

And a few months ago I declared myself ready for the battle.

I am doing some things like walking away when I feel my anger building, trying to speak in a calmer tone, and being quick to apologize when I have blown it.

And I pray. I constantly pray that God will continue to refine me. That He will stand in the gap for me. I have proclaimed I am ready, but I have also had to admit my desperate need for God to lead me through the storm.

In seeking Him during these moments that are my most embarrassing and ugly, I am finding freedom. It wasn’t a one day release and I believe that the enemy will continue to throw darts our way…but I am standing ready, with God at my side and I am believing that the chains are falling as we speak.

31 Days of Seeking Him – Grace

31 Days of Seeking Him

Today’s post is going to be a little rogue…you see the wonderful ladies over at Five Minute Friday who have given me the word prompts for this month long series won’t be releasing this Friday’s word until later tonight (Thursday). The hitch is that I am going to be in the car when the word is released because we are heading out to visit Isaac for the first time at college!

So I was trying to decide what I was going to do. My access to WIFI over the next 2 days will be limited so I thought for this post I would pick my own word. (Rule breaker I know!!) But for some extra fun I enlisted the help of my kids. I explained why I needed a word and asked them to each give me one and then we would vote on which word to use.

Karlena said Purple – which if you have been following along, I just wrote about.

Gabriel said Land – that one could be pretty challenging don’t you think?!

Elijah said Grace – well actually he said God’s Amazing Grace, which yes is 3 words, but they are pretty good ones so he gets a pass this time! 😉

We voted and they unanimously chose Grace.

I seem to be needing a lot of grace here recently.

Some days are better than others, but let’s be honest, I am a hot mess most days.

I feel more aware than ever how incredible this unconditional love that God has for me is.

Us a fallen people, rebellious and ungrateful…yet with grace and mercy and filled with love, God sent His Son as a sacrifice for us all so that we could spend eternity with Him.

I seriously don’t think that I will ever tire of writing and re-writing those truths.

I want them to sink in deep into my soul.

I want to live my days filled with joy because of all that God has done for me.

I am desperate to grasp tightly to this grace gift and spend my life filled with a gratitude at all He is to me.

Yes my Elijah had it right…God’s Amazing Grace. How amazing it is indeed.

If I am spending my days seeking God, I am fully aware of this grace that He has poured out on me. And I walk forward filled with a gratefulness that changes my entire perspective.

What a gift this grace is, what a gift.

31 Days of Seeking Him – Purple

31 Days of Seeking Him

When I think of the color purple I immediately think of Lydia.

In Acts 16 we hear about her. Paul and Silas were traveling through Macedonia and come to a river to pray and meet some women and one of those women was Lydia.

The Bible describes her as “a dealer in purple cloth” (v.14) who was a worshiper of God. She listened to the preachings of Paul and Silas and was baptized, along with her household. (v.15)

And then I love these words…”If you have judged me to be faithful to the Lord, come to my house and stay.”

A woman who is hard working, a business woman who dyes and sells her purple garments. A woman hungry for the Lord with a heart of hospitality.

What an encouragement Lydia was to me as I studied these verses again.

Sometimes I feel guilty as a full-time working mother. I love my family but I also love the business I get to work at with Dominic. We work hard and we love God and our family.

I don’t know why I think I can’t do both well.

Lydia is a woman that was doing both well. She was a successful business woman and had a heart for the Lord and for hospitality.

She served her family and was an example to her entire household. Because of her faith her entire household was also baptized! Isn’t that amazing?!

We have that same potential.

We can work hard at whatever “job” God has called us to, in the home or out. And we can serve God and others and be an example of faith to our families.

Every time I see the color purple I am going to be reminded of this story that I saw with fresh eyes today. A reminder that we can work and serve and seek God with all of our life and make an impact on others.

31 Days of Seeking Him – Love

31 Days of Seeking Him

Karlena has this teddy bear that was a gift when she was a baby. It is worn and ragged and missing some of its fur. There is a hole that needs to be fixed in one of its legs and it is no longer pink but more of a dirty grey/pink.

It isn’t pretty to look at and a good washing is no longer helping to restore its appearance. But when Karlena holds that bear, and she looks at it, all she sees is love.

Her teddy has been with her for almost 5 years. When we can’t find it there is a crisis. She talks to teddy and puts teddy down for naps, she has loved the life out of that bear.

Teddy Bear

Dominic has threatened to throw it away, it really is kind of gross…but I won’t let him. I know that some day she won’t need to have it with her like she does now. But for now it is her companion.

I picked teddy up the other day and really looked at it. And the thought crossed my mind, that bear isn’t much different than I am.

Often I am worn and ragged, dirty from my sin and faults. I have scars and imperfections and my outside doesn’t look as beautiful as it once did.

But yet when my Father looks at me all He sees is love.

It is hard to wrap my mind around this idea of God’s unconditional love for me. I have said it before here, the thought that God knew the person that I would be..all my failures, my bad choices and complete disobedience to His calling…and inspite of all of that He saw love.

So much love that He wanted to provide a way for me to be with Him in eternity. So much love that He sent His only Son to die for my sins.

Even if I had been the only one worth dying for….

Can you even fathom that kind of love?

I am not always grateful for that sacrifice. But seeing that teddy and knowing how much Karlena loves it…and realizing that God’s love for me, for you, is even greater….

Well sometimes we just need to sit and revel in that a moment don’t we?

Friends, we all have scars and broken pieces. We all make mistakes and if you are like me you feel like you don’t deserve that kind of lavish love. And you know what, we don’t. How incredible is it that we get to be the recipient of it anyways!

My prayer for you as you seek God would be that you would be flooded with His love for you, that you would know deep in your soul that you are His treasure. Find rest and comfort in that today!

31 Days of Seeking Him – Possible

31 Days of Seeking Him

“I just can’t do it” I told him.

I was frustrated and angry with myself, mostly because I was filled with fear and my words and actions revealed the depth of that fear.

When my husband started his own business he faced fear too but with great faith he stepped forward anyways. After a year of working by himself, handling all of the calls, scheduling, paperwork…he was a bit overwhelmed.

We started talking about possible solutions and he asked if I would consider working with him. I had been working at a financial advisor’s office for a little less than a year and the guilt at leaving was just one issue I had.

“I just don’t know if it is possible. What if we can’t work together, what if we can’t generate enough business to cover the guaranteed salary that I will be giving up?!”

Fear. Plain and simple fear of the unknown kept me stuck. I didn’t believe in all that was possible if I just trusted God’s leading on this.

So I did what I often do in these situations and I attempted to manage it all myself. I asked my employer if I could work part time so that I could help Dominic out “just to get him caught up.”

They agreed and I started my split schedule. Because guilt has often been a motivator for me I worked really hard at both jobs. I didn’t want anyone to have to do more because I was doing less. I was stressed out upon waking each morning.

“I can’t do this Lord!”

This went on for a few months, it is a wonder that I lasted that long really. A stomach ulcer that made itself known on a short vacation was the tipping point. Something had to change.

“I am finally ready to trust you with this Lord.”

I went in and quit my job and started working full time with my husband. I wasn’t convinced that we would manage…I still didn’t believe it would be possible to make up my lost wages.

But even in my doubt (and after all that holding on to the reins myself) we moved forward and can I just tell you that God has taken my “I don’t think it is possible”  fears and blown them out of the water.

We have been working together successfully for a few years now. It is a gift really. No it isn’t always easy, but we are learning through the growing pains. Some days we are frustrated and overwhelmed, just like we would be with any job. But I get to walk this road WITH my husband, each day.

When we seek God He will make the impossible, possible. I have seen it in my own life time and time again.

Yes it may be uncertain, and scary but when we trust God with those doubts and fears He will use them to grow our faith and give Him the glory. Our business is successful today because of all God has done. Yes we show up and do the work each day…but He makes it possible.

What impossible roadblock are you facing today? Can you open your hands and trust God with it? I can’t wait to see all that He will do!

31 Days of Seeking Him – Home

31 Days of Seeking Him

So often the pressures of this life, the need I feel to measure up and fit in, perform at top capacity, be a wonderful wife and mother…all of it becomes overwhelming.

Do you ever find yourself there? Frustrated, exhausted, and just plain done?

I know that I can’t do it all and yet I work myself ragged trying to do it anyway. I don’t like to ask for help and don’t want to admit that I don’t have it all together. I put on the nice clothes and the plastered smile and I pretend that everything is fine and the reality is, I am dying inside.

I set my standards to what I see in the world. I have made this place my home and I am laboring to fit in an environment that I really don’t “belong” to. No wonder it is so difficult!

Every once and awhile I pause though, I seek rest and comfort in the presence of my God. I open up my hands as an offering of myself. Admitting that I am struggling and I need help.

Guide me Lord.

I want my life to be a reflection of His grace. That abundant love that He has poured out on me, I want to be that towards those I come in contact with. I want my home to be a place of safety and refuge. A home where the striving for perfection is left at the door, and one where we are daily recognizing who we are IN Christ, BECAUSE of Christ.

I want to be His. Forever His.

I need to remember that this place is not my home, we are sojourners here. With one job really, how can I make the biggest impact for Christ during my time here?

So my focus starts to change as I seek Him. I am learning how to be brave as the unique woman He has created me to be. How to be a light in my home and my community.

Fully His, all for His glory.

And some day I will leave this earthly body and meet my Father in person and my prayer would be that I would be warmly greeted…”Welcome Home, Good and Faithful Servant.”

31 Days of Seeking Him – Embrace

31 Days of Seeking Him

For many years “change” was a swear word in my mind. I didn’t like it, didn’t accept it or walk through it well. It was more of a kicking and screaming type of scenario if we are being honest.

Change meant having to learn something new, I wasn’t at the top of my game any longer. It meant being uncomfortable or stretched. And while I can always see the benefits of a growing period after the fact, while I am in the thick of it I am pretty miserable.

But change is inevitable. Do you have a hard time embracing it like I do?!

I have 4 kids, one in college, another in middle school, kindergarten and preschool. There is a lot of change in our home ALL.THE.TIME. I work with my husband every day. When we started working together there was some change that had to happen, most specifically in my attitude.

It was painful, mostly for Dominic, because I was fighting it the entire time.

But recently I have come to embrace the changes that are happening, and continue to happen in our lives.

Sending our oldest off to college was a big deal for this “feeling” mama. I worried about all of the things he might be faced with, wondered if he could handle his tough course load and being away from our family…it was enough to suffocate me.

And then the morning after we moved him into his dorm, God gave me a picture of him. I can’t explain it really but to say that I saw him in his cap and gown. I knew he was graduating…he had done it. And at that moment I knew he would be ok.

Sure he will face difficult times, there will be change and challenges and probably a few mistakes along the way…but it is a natural part of the growing process.

He too will learn from these changes if he embraces them, presses into them. I am confident that he will succeed. And I am excited to be a part of that journey, cheering him on.

When I am seeking God, searching for His guidance during these times of change and uncertainty, I can move forward and embrace all that is to come.

31 Days of Seeking Him – Capture

31 Days of Seeking Him

I am not a professional when it comes to taking pictures, but I have always dreamed of learning some day. I have a fairly nice camera but I only know how to operate it on the manual settings. I don’t know anything about shutter speed, or aperture.

But I love that pictures capture a snapshot of a moment in time. 

I was driving out of town one evening and the sunset that was displayed across the sky behind me was amazing.

The reds, oranges and yellows painted the sky, the clouds danced in its beauty and I wanted to just stop and take it all in.

I snapped a quick picture of my review mirror view because I wanted to capture the sight. Sunsets happen quickly, within moments the sun had set and the sky lost its brilliance.

mirror sunset

As I drove I praised God for His creation.

So often I forget, I don’t take the time to really see the beauty that is around me.

I get hurried and stressed and can’t see past my own “problems”, if you can even call life that. It’s just life. Yes at times it is a frenzy, if you are in my home there may just be a child screaming at one point or another. It is not typically the type of environment that you sit and just drink in the beauty around you! 😉

But God’s creation IS all around us. Sometimes we just have to stop and see it. Really see it. Recognize it as the handiwork of a pretty talented Creator.

Snap a picture, write it down, sit quietly in prayer, capture these moments and thank God for them. If we are seeking Him with our lives we will see them.

And the view, whether in front of us or in our rear-view mirror, is stunning.

31 Days of Seeking Him – Family

31 Days of Seeking Him

It has been almost a week since we gathered together to celebrate a man who has had such an impact on our entire family.

My grandpa passed away suddenly a little over a week ago. It was a shock to all of us and while the weekend was filled with tears and the reality of our loss, it was also filled with precious time with family.

We found places to sit in all corners of my grandma’s home. Voices filled the air, sharing stories about grandpa and also about their own lives. The young kids found joy in playing with one another and giggled in the depths of the “hidey hole” under the stairs.

I met the husband of one cousin for the first time and heard stories of another who is teaching in Columbia.

We ate good food and celebrated family. It wasn’t the reason we had hoped to gather together, but we didn’t waste an opportunity to soak it all in.

We didn’t take a single picture. I had good intention to do so, but the reality was we just spent those hours doing life together. We don’t have a physical picture to remember the time but instead we created memories that will last a lifetime.

They are a gift.

I haven’t always appreciated taking the time to gather in that way. When we lose someone we love it is easy to feel guilty about all the opportunities missed. My husband had said just a month ago or so that we should take a trip up to visit my grandparents….he said we never know how much time we have left. We had no idea how true that statement would be.

We never made time for the trip and I wish we would have. But instead of focusing on those regrets that we can’t change now, we made the most of the time that we had together in that moment.

It is a honor to be a part of this family, this legacy of love and faith.

God brought us together and I was so aware of the strong family of faith that we have as a result. It is my prayer that I might carry on that legacy in my own family. It is why seeking after Him with my whole heart is so important.

My mom said it herself that my grandpa was a man that sought after God every day. Even in his death he wanted the focus of his funeral to be on God and not what he did…but all that God did.

Seeking God in our daily lives can have a lasting impact on our family. And the blessings that come from that faith are such a gift.